Daily Archives: September 13, 2006

I’m not very popular this time of year. I mean, I’m not exactly Mr. Popularity at any time during the year, but right around 9/11, I often find ways to make a lot of new and interesting enemies. Y’see, I have a lot of very unpopular opinions about the attacks on New York, the events that led up to them, our actions as a nation that made them a virtual certainty, the so-called “War on Terror,” the psychotic, incredibly evil and dangerous men who run this country, and so on.

But this isn’t about that. I’m certainly not turning this into 9/11 blog #4,763,472,993. I learned long ago (about five years ago, to be exact) that this is a discussion that can only be had as adiscussion. It requires back and forth, not the egomaniacal pontification of posting to your blog.

That’s not to say I’m backing down. Believe me, I’ll argue with anyone about anything (except sports… I frankly couldn’t give a shit about any sport you care to name, but I will argue that they’re a moronic waste of time, energy and money that validate a lot of behavior that has no fuckin’ place in modern society), but trying to argue this via the web is just too exhausting.

You wanna know what I think about all of that shit, e-mail me or call and I’ll give you the short version. Takes about three days.

Again, not the point. Melissa Lauren was shooting here on Monday, and I couldn’t help wondering what’s it’s like to be French in this country on September 11th.

For those who’ve conveniently forgotten all that “Freedom Fries” bullshit, we gave the French a huge ration of hateful crap for having the temerity, the gall — or should I say Gaul –, the outright arrogance to say “No” to Little Boots and his “pre-emptive action” against Iraq. How dare they? Don’t they know that We make the fucking RULES around here? Look at Germany and Italy and Japan, now THEY know how to roll over and take one for the team!

(Incidentally, did anyone else find it funny that all the former Axis powers sided with us in our invasion of Iraq while most of our former Allies, including Russia, Canada & France thought it was a really bad idea?)

Y’see, we Americans, we’re a simple people, and when I say simple, I mean stupid. We’ve been trained now for almost sixty years not to think, not to analyze, not to reason. React! React! React! Every problem has a simple solution! First, throw money, then throw marines. If that doesn’t work, find something else to react to and pretend the problem is solved.

And for a while there, when Dubya was still playing the charade of going to the U.N., and Colin Powell sold his soul to have his Adlai Stevenson moment on national television, the French as a people became a surrogate for all the enemies we felt surrounding us that we couldn’t find to fling marines at.

I was thinking about all these things on Monday. But Melissa’s a smart, smart girl, and very quiet, and very serious, and we aren’t exactly close (in fact, I often think she dislikes me pretty intensely, but then again, I dislike me intensely, so I can’t say that I blame her), so I wasn’t comfortable asking. But I wonder.

Don’t get me wrong, France has had some pretty serious missteps as a nation. You can’t really blame them for the several hundred years of war with England, over everything from crowns to land to religion since England started at least half the battles; besides, neighbors always bicker. And going further back, the Romans and the Germans were just asking for trouble.

But, for those of you who know nothing about world history (i.e, Americans), lemme tell you they’ve done some pretty awful stuff in the last 100 years. There was this little thing called the Vietnam War which the French started, then smartly handed off to us to bungle. There was a bit of mess in French Algieria which has people today bandying about the word “genocide.” They went through a period in the late 60s/early 70s where they couldn’t keep a government in power for more than seven minutes.

Granted, they’re rank amateurs compared to us in the “shitty things we’ve done to other countries” competition, but then, everyone is. The big difference is the French admit it. They know that the red in their flag which represents egalité is blood red.

Yeah, I know, they’re kind of, well, y’know, French. But I love ’em. They’re the opposite of us: They like their lives in color, their politics in shades of grey and their movies in black and white. They read, they think, they argue. And when they got tired of their leaders, they rounded them up and whacked their heads off with a big, ugly steel blade, and it was fun for the whole family.

Seriously, how great of an idea is that?

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