I like Christopher Guest a lot. Obviously, I like his Nigel Tufnel persona, I like what he has to say in interviews and his commentaries, and I like the fact he hasn’t tried to make his films a vehicle for his brother Nicholas, who I guarantee you’ve heard if not seen. And, in general, I enjoy Christopher’s films, although they tend to feel just shy of the mark.

K & I went to see For Your Consideration on Thursday, and if A Mighty Wind is the best of the Guest movies (my own opinion), this is definitely the worst (okay, I’ve never seen Almost Heroes, but I’ve read that it’s awful). It misses the mark for a lot of reasons, but they’re just refined versions of the problems present in all of his movies, i.e. a tendency to let things go to far. Eugene Levy’s two left feet in Best in Show is a prime example of the kind of excess that sinks these movies for me. If you listen to the commentary on that disc, you’ll discover that Gene Levy thought the bit was too much, and Guest talked him into it.

Well, Chris, Gene was right. For me, these films are at their best when they’re most real, and every time Fred Willard goes completely off the reservation — which he does in Considerationmore than in any other film — things start to fall apart. I’m sure it was a riot on set, but for those of us who weren’t there, not so much.

However, given that the entire movie is about the fury of egos that surrounds Oscar nominations, I thought it would make a delightfully ham-fisted segue into a discussion of our own AVNnominations. For the record, Corruption got 17 nominations, and we also got a few for the undeserving bastards at DVSX; Kylie’s Twisted as Fuck got 2, my girl/girl show Whoregasm got 1, and Grudgefuck got 1, for a total of 21. I also think we can take a bit of credit for Hillary’s Performer of the Year nom, just for putting her right in the center of the “serious work” spotlight.

I’m pretty damned good at handicapping the awards; Kylie has sat with me year after year as I predicted 90-95% of the winners. With that in mind, I’m going to present my rather bleak predictions for our awards chances:

Best Video Feature
Fashionistas

Best High-Definition Production

(okay, I’m confused; as originally instituted, HD was considered a third medium, like film and video. Judging from the fact that everything here is a duplicate from some other “Best Genre” category, I’m guessing this will get downplayed. I’ll bet the voter’s will confused as hell, and decide this is a “quality of production” award unless instructed otherwise. My bet is on Sacred Sin, Island Fever 4, or Fashionistas)


Best Actress – Video; Hillary Scott

Hillary might win – and should – but I’m betting on Belladonna for Fashionistas. Too many people think of Hillary as “just a gonzo girl.”


Best Supporting Actress – Video; Alana Evans & Kylie Ireland

They killed us. If they’d picked one girl, I would have said we had a chance at this one. With the vote split, it’s unlikely…


Best Non-Sex Performance – Bryn Pryor

So few freelancers vote in this category, we might take it. Then again, you get a lot of really weird votes in this category. The reviewer who thought Xavier Towers – whoever the fuck that is – Was amazing in Bustful of Dollars will vote for him. Often this category is decided by two or three votes.


Best Director – Video
John Stagliano, with Micahel Ninn as a dark-horse second.

Best All-Girl Sex Scene
This’ll go to one of the Belladonna movies, or maybe Jenna Haze.

Best Oral Sex Scene
No way. I don’t know what will win, but it definitely won’t be us.

Best Threeway

Maybe. This is kind of a wide-open category, so we’ve got a chance, but it’s unlikely. One of the gonzo scenes will win, probably Jules Jordan.


Best Group Scene
We should win this, but Fashionistas will.

Best Solo
I think we’ve got a good shot at this.

Best Screenplay

I think we might take this. Hard to say, but they often vote for the underdog in this category.


Best Videography
I’m betting on Island Fever 4 or Sacred Sin.

Best Editing
Whatever has the most MTV-like editing will win. The rule with the voters is whatever has themost editing has the best editing. I’ll prognosticate after I’ve seen the contenders, but probablySacred Sin.

Best DVD Extras
Who can say? Three people vote in this category. Maybe Tailgunners.

Best Online Marketing Campaign
I think Britney, Manhunters or Island Fever 4.

As for the DVSX noms, those are just courtesy nods, though there’s a very slim chance for Twistedin Most Outrageous Sex Scene. Hillary, however, has a really good shot at Performer. It isn’t a lock, but she’s one of the three contenders.

If she wins, rest assured, I’ll be claiming even more undue credit than I am now.

Whatcha think?

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Will: Sharon, the NEA is a loser. Yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck, but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn’t cost money, it costs votes; it costs airtime, column inches. You know why people don’t like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so goddamn always?
Sharon: Hey!
Will: [to Lewis] And with a straight face, you’re gonna tell students that America’s so star-spangled awesome, that we’re the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. [laughs] So 207 sovereign states in the world, like a hundred and eighty of them have freedom.
Moderator: Alright–
Will: And yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there’s some things you should know, and one of them is, there’s absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student. But you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period. So when you ask, “what makes us the greatest country in the world?” I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yosemite? [Pause] We sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. We put our money where our mouths were. And we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior. We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in our last election. And we didn’t… we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things, and to do all these things, because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. [Pause] Enough?
— WIll McAvoy (Jeff Daniels), The Newsroom