A few odds and ends as the end-of-the-year crush begins absorbing time like a black hole. First, a note about the passing of Peter Boyle. He was the epitome of a character actor, working constantly, and always doing his absolute best even in a really crappy movie or show.

Everyone remembers him as The Monster in Young Frankenstein (which I still argue is the bestadaptation of Frankenstein ever done), and for many people — me included — The X-Files is indelibly linked with Boyle, who guest starred in what is probably that show’s finest episode,Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose.

I like to think of some of Boyle’s less-known work. I loved him in the craptastic Michael Keaton comedy The Dream Team as a former stock broker who thinks he’s Jesus. To this day I will shout “Who dares to tow the van of the Living Christ?” at people just to see their glazed expressions.

The last two weeks have also been absorbed with prepping a feature for SexZ called Perfect Creatures. It’s really hard to scale back to making “normal” adult movies after getting to makeCorruption. Still, we’re going to do everything we can to make this a solid show for Bo & co. (sounds like an old CBS sitcom… “That’s on Bo & Company, next after BJ & the Bear”).

Finally, I want to introduce an end-of-the-year tradition we used to have when I ran AVN. Every year, a handful of us would have our own private Darwin awards for some of the stupidest things we’d encountered during the year. We’d e-mail the list around the ofice and then to some friends. In the true spirit of the season, then, I’d like to list a few tidbits from the last year that struck me as incredibly, breathtakingly dumb. This list is by no means comprehensive, so if I’ve missed something feel free to amend…

Adam & Eve’s post-production process
Adam & Eve is one of the last 800-pound gorillas in the porn biz, so they get to make their own rules. Unfortunately, those rules are just plain stupid, and have been assembled by people who seem to not understand the production process. They recently opened a Los Angeles production office to make things easier, which has only resulted in twice as much bureacracy and red tape. The single stupidest, makes-your-head-asplode element (out of literally dozens) is one that they dropped on Kylie after her last gonzo shoot.

They want every director to have every gonzo movie transcribed, and don’t pay you until it’s done. I shit you not. Every “Oooh,” every “Aaaah,” every “Fuck me harder.” The transcription for Kylie’s Double Shocker 3 was 68 pages. When I think about this, I just can’t even speak.

Eddie Van Halen’s secret porn project
I’ve already written at length about EVH and his selective associations with porn productionsother than his own. If you missed that little rant, click here.

Playboy Radio’s morning show
Okay, not to bite the hand that feeds Kylie — and all due apologies to Farrell — Playboy Radio, whose bumpers should say “Hot talk, less cock,” has two men hosting their morning show. I’m not objecting to the quality of the show, although I do, I’m objecting to the notion of what is, in theory, Playboy’s highest profile show consisting of a juvenile sausage fest. Jesus, even Stern, the King of all Immaturity, has one permanent chick. I dunno whose brilliant scheme this was, but I’m hoping when Playgirl gets a station (never), they go with two female hosts, ‘cuz that makes just as much sense. This is teh ghey.

Florida
Just in general. I don’t know what the hell’s wrong with you people down there in America’s Peninsula, but ya’all are nuts. If you want specifics, try hereherehere, or here. Want more? Maybe this or this or this or perhaps this will fill you in. Oh, and one last thing here.

Katherine Harris
I know she fits in the Florida category, but she just had to get her own mention.

Rush Limbaugh
Above and beyond his usual pathetic idiocy, his attack on Michael J. Fox for his commercials supporting stem cell research was just phenominal.

Mariah Carey
So, did she just now find out about Mary Carey? I mean, really, Mary is a third-rate porn star and a first-rate press hog. So what better way for Mariah to give Mary a few more ticks on her fretfully overlong fifteen minutes than by publicly objecting to her stage name. A few years too late, don’tcha think?

Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild
I remember telling this idiot he was cruising for trouble almost ten years ago when we stopped reviewing his product at AVN.

Redlight District & the Screeched video
It’s a simple rule: Female celebrity sex tape goodMale celebrity sex tape bad. Nobody bought Pam & Tommy Lee to see Tommy, even though he did look like a tattooed cadaver with an enormous cock. The celebrity shit sells because people realize Paris Hilton is only interesting or attractive with a cock in her mouth. I mean, first off, if Dustin Diamond is a celebrity, Ron Jeremy is a fucking god. And I don’t even wanna see Ronny fuck anymore, much less fucking Screech. Vivid learned this lesson with the Janine & Vince Neil tape. No one want to see male celebrities fuck. You’d think Redlight would have learned that lesson with the Chyna disc.

Okay, that was harsh, wasn’t it?

Whatcha think?

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