Okay, I’m back. And I’m ever-so-thrilled. During the long, dark months of editing Upload — which I’m sure you’ll hear plenty of bitching about in the weeks to come — the one thing that sustained me, kept me going, stoked the fires of my waning, anemic creativity, was the idea that somewhere beyond the unhealthy efficiency of Sony Vegas, MySpace was waiting to slurp away better-spent hours of my life and badly-needed points of IQ.

But I did get a chuckle out of the banner bemoaning alcohol-related pedestrian deaths.

Yeah, I’ve missed you, too.

First and foremost, thanks to those of you who e-mailed me here weeks and weeks ago. You’re a bunch of fucking retards. Even when I’m checking MySpace regularly, I hardly ever — ever — look at this e-mail. If you want to reach me, e-mail eli@sexz.com willya? Then you might get a response before the end of the decade.

There are literally hundreds of things I’d like to tackle for my first blog back from the darkness… what a psychotic man-whore Rudy Guiliani is… how I think everyone who bought an iPhone — oh, sorry, Jesus-Phone, should be required to wear a T-shirt that says “moron” two days out of the week, and another that says “pretentious asshole” the rest of the time… how much I wish they’d been allowed to actually finish Deadwood

But for now, I’m gonna focus on something brief and — sit down and strap in — positive.

The folks behind Mystery Science Theater 3000 have been doing a little side-project for a while now called RiffTrax. It’s a collection of MP3 audio tracks designed to be synced up and played alongside a number of big Hollywood movies they could never get for MST3K. Most of them really deserving targets like Phantom Menace and the first Spider-Man.

Best of all, for those of you who are intar-web savvy enough to know that Bittorrent and the like are teh sux0r and that newsgroups are still the best way to get piles of media for no money down and ten easy payments of fuck-all, you can find most of the RiffTrax films all pre-ripped, synced and mixed for you by the geek fairy.

K & I just got done watching the RiffTrax version of Willy Wonka — no, the original — and for those of you who remember the film as a classic, you’re wrong. I’ve said for years it’s a piece of shit film with one brilliant performance. Nice to know I’m not alone.

Anyhoo, I’ve stepped on enough peckers for one evening. Someday soon I’ll be updating my actual page with lots of Upload hype. Also, Kylie & I are taping podcasts tomorrow so look for those this week.

In the meantime… vaya con heuvos.

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After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true. — Spock, Amok Time, Star Trek: TOS