Daily Archives: April 13, 2012

Where to begin? A few months ago, I was seeing four girls. As of yesterday, I’m seeing… wait, let me count…


Given the way my life has gone over the past few… well, hell, years, really… it isn’t surprising.

LL and I decided to take a run at actually “dating,” but the distance, and her prior preoccupation with another guy, one whom she eventually got, derailed that.

Red is on a whole other path that only includes me as a friend and confidant.

Blue became very distant, and when she again contacted me, seemed to have redfined our relationship in her head, as one that consist of texting pleasantries, and never actually making contact.

D has been on hiatus for a while; she fell in love with a guy she was banging on the side, and isn’t ready to play the field yet.

And then there’s Alice. She’s young, incredibly cute, very hot. Smart, a lot¬†smarter than she initially lets on around people.

We first met over the internet, exchanged a lot of frustrating texts and pics and e-mails. Then she moved to LA to get into the business proper, and we started doing just a few of the things we talked about. She’s the first girl in ages who is a match for what I want. She’s completely fearless (well, except for germs and intimacy), incredibly dirty, and likes a lot of the same extreme things I do.

But there’s a problem; I like her. And she knows it. And it freaks her out. Or maybe she likes me, and that freaks her out worse. Whichever it is, yesterday I got word that she “needs a break from all the sex stuff.” Wants to just be friends… this, despite the fact that she admitted — in her sleep, ironically — that she thinks I’m boring. I had assumed she didn’t mean in bed, but perhaps that isn’t the case.

It’s true that our relationship was never supposed to be anything but sexual; she hasn’t violated any trust, or been anything but very straight with me. I cannot be angry at her. But I’m very confused about the why of it, and the timing. And, yes, I tried to get her to discuss, but she doesn’t want to. I think she doesn’t want to lie to me, and doesn’t want to hurt me. So there’s that.

The problem is, she only needs a break from sex with me. She’s currently enamored with a friend of mine, and flirting with everyone else. I have no problem sharing, but I think this is the first time I’ve been sexually rejected, and I’d be lying if I said my ego hadn’t taken a pretty severe hit. Now I’m awash in feeling as if I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. Again.

My self-esteem is pretty fragile at the best of times, but I thought my sexual persona was pretty invulnerable. Guess it took a girl half my age to prove just how wrong I could be.

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Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle. — Darby Conley, Get Fuzzy