I keep telling myself I haven’t backslid. I just finished day 4 of a three-week gig working as an electrician on an independent movie in Alabama. I needed the money, and my friend Hollywood made this happen for me.

Yours Truly On Set in Alabama

But here’s the thing; I haven’t worked as a juicer (movie slang) in years. A lot of them. And when I did, it was on much smaller movies, with much smaller lighting packages, than this one. So, essentially, I’ve got training wheels on for a lot of this shit… and I really hate feeling like I’m not pulling my weight.

Also, though, I had forgotten how tedious it is to work on a movie in a non-creative capacity. I’m simply manual labor; a remote-controlled pair of hands realizing someone else’s ideas. It beats digging ditches, but creatively, it’s just as satisfying. The fact that we drive past Dykes Road every morning on the way to set helps only slightly.

Not that I would want my name attached in a position of authority to this pile of shit. We’re working on a Christian movie (no, they don’t know they have an award-winning pornographer in their midst) with a horrible script, written by the spoiled-rotten executive producer, who wrangled the money out of the owner of a Christian camp, which is our primary location.

The director is an utter hack who did a lot of bad television, the DP is a nice-enough steadicam operator who frames shots as if he’s still on a steadicam (i.e., sloppy and too bright), and the aforementioned EP is doing everything he can to direct the movie himself. It’s a fucking disaster in the making. As of today, we’re a day-and-a-half behind schedule.

I’m also fighting off the malaise I mentioned in the previous post. I think it simply stems from the fact I haven’t worked a gig like this that took me away from home for such a stretch in a long time, and I just miss my people. Other than texting and the occasional phone call, I’m completely out of touch. I want to see K&A, Alice, Red (even though she’s being a cunt right now), Mischief, John & Brusta, my MTG group, my cats…

This weekend, I have several things I have to write; proposals for movies and websites, script breakdowns, etc. And it will be difficult, because I’m very unmotivated.

I’m dissolute and disconnected. But I’m working, and that’s not nothing.

Whatcha think?

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Ethics are so annoying. I avoid them on principle. — Darby Conley, Get Fuzzy