A couple weeks ago, I got invited to a private screening of Justice League by some people I hope very much to be doing business with. I had no interest in the movie, but I went to schmooze. My overall response was… *shrug*

Justice League is nowhere near the level of utter comical unwatchability achieved by Batman v Superman, but it’s still not good. Wonder Woman, for it’s faults, is a much stronger film. Sadly, in JL, all they gave Gal Gadot to do was be Superman until Superman shows up.

Predictably, with two different directors, the movie is a stylistic hot mess. I’ve never seen such a schizophrenic film in my life. The stuff shot by Snyder looks NOTHING like the stuff done by Whedon (which is the majority of the movie).

The biggest problem is the characters. If you love the classic comic characters, these folks ain’t them. And if you love the characters in BvS (first of all, SHAME on you), you won’t be happy, either. These are the kid-friendly versions of Zack Snyder’s mass-murdering “heroes.”

A lot of people really enjoy Ezra Miller’s Flash; I found him incredibly annoying. He’s played as very young and immature and very spectrum-y in a way I HATED, even though it’s supposed to be charming. Cyborg is a pointless Iron Man clone who acts mostly as tech support and air evac.

Aquaman truly IS Super Bro! It’s like they gave powers to one of the guys from Jersey Shore. I kept expecting him to shout “GTL!” An entire film of this character is gonna be really hard to swallow.

Batman exists solely to make dire predictions, crack jokes (Hey! Batman is FUNNY!) and shoot things from his vehicles. Also, Affleck plainly had stopped giving a shit by the re-shoots; he’s like Harrison Ford in Return of the Jedi.

Wonder Woman is the plot exposition version of Sigourney Weaver’s Galaxy Quest crewmember. She just repeats things other people say so the audience gets it.

Of course the plot makes no sense. Doesn’t even try. The last half hour is just like the last 45 minutes of Man of Steel. It’s mindless action with no point whatsoever, and the resolution is both pointless and kinda dull.

That’s the thing that really surprised me. Overall, this movie is boring. Even at just over two hours, it drags, particularly in the middle.

Here’s the thing; as much as I loathe Zack Snyder’s murderverse (and I really, really do), Man of Steel and even moreso, Batman v Superman, are films of vision. Zack made choices. Setting aside for a moment that every one of those choices is laughably, disastrously wrong and ill-advised, he made them and then committedJustice League is a film of no choices whatsoever. It’s a corporate casserole cooked to be as bland as possible while selling the maximum number of toys.

The best part for me was getting to meet one of the cast members who was at the screening (not sayin’ who). I shook his hand and told him I admired his work. He nodded over his shoulder at the screen and said, “Not in this!”

Is it a terrible film? By no means. It’s just a superhero movie put together by committee. It’s loud and full of slow-mo and soulless and dumb. 8-year-olds will LOVE it.

Whatcha think?

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