Dispatches from the Island of Misfit Toys

• Brief stop in Houston, then home. #
• To quote Sam Gamgee, "Well, I'm back." #
• Just saw Kate Hudson picking up a relative at the airport. That beeyotch is too damned skinny. #
• Just picked up my cat's ashes. Welcome home. #
• "You look like a photograph of yourself taken from far, far away." — Ani DiFranco #
• My friend Libby Letlow just recommended that I end it all. Seems like reasonable advice. #
• @AdriannaNicole Don't think that was *quite* what she meant… #
• @AdriannaNicole – Also, I didn't HAVE to end it with the silly girl from Alabama. Just had to take her at her word. #
• @Amber_Raynexxx @AdriannaNicole So am I! Geez… #
• So, everyone pretty much agrees it's my own fault. #
• @Amber_Raynexxx @AshlynnLeighXXX That's very, very sad… #
• @shylarcobi Yup. That's me to a T. #
• @DianaPrinceXXX Whoof. You're gonna be a lone voice in the wilderness on that one, gorgeous. Bad movie! No donut! #
• @DianaPrinceXXX How old do you think I am? No, I just thought it was an unfunny, rambling, badly-assembled mess. #
• @DianaPrinceXXX Unless not liking the movie is going to keep you from having sex with me, in which case it was EPIC! #
• @Amber_Raynexxx That you're going to "Newsies…" #
• @Amber_Raynexxx This is me taking your word for it… #
• @shylarcobi And that's Mr. Bitter Grandpa Emo to you. #
• @SusanneEhrlich welcome to the party, Susie Mid-America! #
• The best part of coming home was seeing you… #

• Actually, I'm significantly less excited. #
• @MissLarkinLove had that night myself. #
• @AidenStarr I envy you. I cannot even imagine. #
• I just have to survive this last day without killing myself, or anyone else… #
• I'm angry that my Zen over leaving Alabama has been blown by petty politics in L.A. #
• And that I lost a night's sleep over it… #
• I have needed a manicure at times in my life, but rarely as bad as I need one now. #
• Just wrapped my final day.in Alabama… it's like a huge weight has been lifted…. #
• I have always been convinced Ani DiFranco was thinking of me when she wrote this: http://t.co/wvraT0dm #
• Listening to sad songs and packing. #
• @Penny_Pax I did! #
• Oh, Alabama, it's not you. It's me. #
• There are going to be changes after today, for good or ill… so I'm heading home, but I don't precisely know to what, or who. #

• Just shoved a pile of empty calories disguised as a Krispy Kreme in my mouth. Mmmmmm. #
• Okay, there's also a sex museum and a few great bongade clubs in NYC… maybe I need to go spend a week… #
• 1 day 21 hours 50 minutes 19 seconds… #
• Just spent 20 minutes rigging a light in the dumbest position possible for no reason. #Rudderless #
• Wow. The little girl in our movie is just SO precocious, she should be in movies! Or on TV! Or a milk carton! #
• @TaraLynnFoxx my idea of romance is if I kiss you BEFORE I slap you. #
• Someone on set just asked me what I think of violent sex. I didn't know there was any other kind… #
• Sometimes being your own worst enemy is exhausting. #
• @Penny_Pax holy shit! I love it when Kink dresses you like the hot bitch you are! #
• Just witnessed the dumbest tech scout in the history of film. The director, the 1st AD, the Gaffer… and no one else. #retarded #
• "There has to be more than flesh and bone; all that you love is all you own." – Tom Waits #
• @sethcardigan Good man. They fuckin' deserve it. #
• @ChanelPreston @danadearmond It was just a matter of time until someone rolled Shylock, but I never thought it would be someone so hot… #
• @Penny_Pax Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll do a cavity search. #
• Great. Thanks brain. #
• Well, that's that. Gonna be up all night now. #
• @Amber_Raynexxx I'm so bleary I misread that as "sleep is over-retarded. " #
• Slightly less exciting to be returning to LA after last night. #

• This movie is like a dentist who never stops drilling… #
• Where Fertility, Jesus & the Black Death Meet [Photo] http://t.co/O5rIXw5W #
• Is it wrong that I want to bang the hell out of @infiltrateproxy and I haven't even met her? #
• Ladies, who wants to meet me for a couple days in New Orleans when this movie is wrapped? #
• @BurnettRM Lemme Google that for you, ya lazy ass: http://t.co/fbB70Vfg #
• I am fucking tenacious. Just in case you were wondering. #
• I cannot wait to get back to L.A. and off of this schedule that has me getting up when most of the people I care about are going to sleep. #
• Texting is great for hooking up, and horrible for communicating. And, yes, I occasionally sit and re-read our texts, cuz I'm a retárde. #
• Three days and counting… in 72 hours, I'll be on my plane back to MUTHAFUCKIN' LA! #

• My contrarian Mother’s Day tribute: Words I haven’t heard in far too long… http://t.co/GSl7oELx #
• @JazyBerlin Yes. Yes I would. #
• @dpiercexxx Okay, dude, if the "Snatch Ladder" doesn't haven't anything to do with pussy, I'm about to be SEVERELY disappointed in you. #
• Only five days to the end of the Alabama Yellow Day Hostage Crisis! I've never been so excited to get out of a hotel room in my life! #
• @ali_223 @dpiercexxx I dunno… I think that would be the "Slit Booster Chair"or something… #
• @Gia_DiMarco We'll be the judges once you post the photo. #
• @JazyBerlin @SoulShatteredK And some who don't do… #
• @JazyBerlin I get to flee the scene Friday. Counting down… #
• @BirdmanDodd @CptGoodtimes Wait until you see @Penny_Pax as Batgirl in Axel's "Dark Knight XXX." Fucking. Amazing. #
• I swear to Christ, I will never, ever, understand the Japanese… http://t.co/ymqDrFXK #
• @leilani_leeane Denial. Works for me. #
• I'm not a big fan of little mistakes. Good mistakes should be huge. In a few hours, I'm gonna make an EPIC mistake! Should be interesting. #
• @sethcardigan I hate it when that happens! #
• @MissLarkinLove This one is actually an epic, private mistake… #
• Heading back to sleep. Hoping to have a dream like last night's, one that involves spit for lube and a rope around her neck… #

• This little guy is more intelligent and talented than our director, writer, and male lead put together. http://t.co/VsiB9Lqf #
• And now, running to Louisiana. Because there's just fucking NOTHING in ALABAMA! #
• @Lia_Lor why would you even consider such a thing? #
• @dpiercexxx whuuuaaat? #
• I'm currently riding in the Earthbound version of the Vomit Comet… don't ask… #
• There is so much wrong with this situation, I don't even know where to start the list… #
• My life is like a live album; familiar, loud, with occasional applause, but still pretty much sucks. #
• @smutcutter Text me your number again! Lost it! Need it! #
• What we're dealing with here is… [Photo] http://t.co/zhCwWC3e #
• @Penny_Pax pretty great Mickeyfeet! #
• @TaraLynnFoxx What if I DO approve… can I kiss it anyway? #
• Here’s my big Saturday night in Mobile… throwing gang signs in the hotel laundry room. http://t.co/7Zh1ofSc #
• For those who missed it, new blog post: Regards to Captain Dunsel http://t.co/mW8MJher #
• @BurnettRM Dude, you didn't get to the end… this one is actually UPBEAT. #
• @Lia_Lor You're expression kind of says, "I think my period just started… I hope I have something in my purse…" #
• @Penny_Pax @dannywylde Yes, there's a limit to egalitarianism, pal. "bros before hoes" begins with you and your ejaculate. #
• Hey! @Penny_Pax, @Lia_Lor, @BurnettRM , @dannywylde, we're obviously all bored, let's go– Oh, fuck, wait. Alabama… #SlashSlashSlashSlash #
• @Penny_Pax @dannywylde I have a feeling if I ever saw myself masturbating, I would never get an erection again. #
• @leilani_leeane Epic ass, madame. #
• Orrrrrr….. not. Apparently. #

It’s  4 a.m. and I just got home about 20 minutes ago. I left for work at 8:45 this morning. This is all in the nature of the business I’m in. In fact, it isn’t even unusual.

I started the day shooting camera on two scenes for Ben. The first was a young girl who’d done very few scenes who was sweet, but as boring as boring can be. The second girl was doing her first scene ever and, really, performed like a champ.

Afterwards, I went to shoot on Punk Rock Schoolgirls for Joanna Angel and James Deen. Joanna writes rally cute, funny scripts for her movies, but sometimes they’re a bit… overambitious. As the oldest warhorse on the set (I’ve got five years on the next oldest person, and 11 years more experience in porn), I had the unenviable task of pulling James & Joanna aside and suggesting that they weren’t going to make their day.

In the past, Joanna has always gotten lucky and pulled off the impossible. This time it just wasn’t going to happen. So, the plug got pulled with one incredibly intricate dialogue scene to be picked up at some later date.

For all that the populace at large things porn is an enormous fuck-off job, I often think there are no harder working people in the world than porn shooters.

Tomorrow I’m going to run errands and spend the evening with Mischief and some of her friends. It’s good because I’ve been feeling incredibly anti-social lately, I think as a reaction to being so overwhelmed by work and debt (strange combination). She forces me to get out in the world.

For my birthday she took me to a big cat preserve, ironically located right next door to the Tropic Desert Mine where we shot The 8^th Day, so I was already aware of the place. It was a great day out, spent mostly in the company of animals (whom I largely prefer to people).

Rape of the Aboriginal Americans day and most of this coming weekend will be spent at the computer, working. Indulging my misanthropic nature.

My fingers are stiff from too many long days in a row, so for now let me just say eat some dead turkey in honor of a dead Indian and enjoy your Thanksgiving.

Well, hello there! I was walking by and saw this blog sitting here abandoned and adrift like the Mary Celeste and decided to come aboard.

Yeah, it’s been a crazy few weeks. I’m gonna keep this short, because, well, I’ve still got shit to do, but I’ll try to check back a little more often.

Been doing a lot of editing. Finished Kiss of the Strangler, which is a new feature (what?! NOT a parody?!  Do they still make those?) for Hot Video. I’m really happy with it. If you’re curious, you can watch their very own on-the-set report here: http://www.hotvideo.fr/usa.php

I don’t come off looking too ridiculous.

I also spent a few weeks under the gun editing Joanna’s Angels 3 for BurningAngel. It’s their big movie for the year, and even though I was the DP on the movie, I forgot what an epic it is until I was faced with trying to finish it in the space of 10 days. That deadline almost killed me when it raced past.

Still, the movie got finished, and I’m quite proud. It’s hysterical.

I’ve got other shenanigans in the works, including the possibility that I’ll be a producer of a multi-million-dollar mainstream film. But those details will have to wait. Until, y’know, they might be a real thing that’s not going to be cursed out of existence by its mere mention aloud. Like love or faeries or justice.

I got smacked on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper this morning for some comments in this blog.

Apparently, “honesty” doesn’t test well.

In the interim, while I try to think of something pointless and innocuous to write about, here’s a picture of a bunny.

Time is an implacable enemy. I’ve fought this battle with time and its constraints for as long as I can remember. Which is, granted, not as far back as I once could remember, middle-age being what it is.

I feel certain that the things which require doing by me — jobs, projects, tasks, etc. — things which cannot be delegated, assigned or outsourced, would easily fill every waking moment of my time from now until my death, and possibly not be completed. And this is assuming I could STOP. Accrue nothing else to “the list,” reach a point of gaining momentum where I was scratching things off without the list lengthening.

This, of course, is impossible. The very enterprise of my life is a pointless farce, and yet I continue.

I have only recently learned that I have the privilege of continuing to pay for what I refer to as The Most Costly Vacation in History, a month-long trip to London, not taken by me, which has cost me not only thousands of dollars, but my relationship as well. And all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Tomorrow, whether I will or no, this trip will cost me another $1,400, drawn inexorably from an account as bare and overtaxed as Ma Hubbard’s cupboard.

And yet I continue.

Last night, I was able to escape for a time. I spent a lovely evening with a submissive in her 20s who seems to enjoy my company, and is young enough to find me “interesting” rather than “jaded.” This was made all the better because it occurred away from home base, which has lately come to be a living metaphor for all my loss and failure, one which I spend my days occupying.

But escape is a transitive state, and we can only run away so far, and for so long. So here I am. I’m not normally one to allow myself the luxury of catalepsy; but today, this afternoon, for just now, I’m welcoming the paralysis.

And then I’ll continue.

As I do.