Porn

Interesting day. Today, I sat in on the first round of auditions for Behind the Green Door, Vivid’s big-budget remake/reboot of the porn classic, directed by adult legend Paul Thomas. After shooting camera for PT, we have a genuine respect for each other that goes deeper than when we were simply directors across the room at the AVN Awards. He’s been getting my input on the script as its developing. We’ve been having a lot of behind-the-scene discussions about casting, and I’m honored he wants to include me in this process.

I’m not going to name any names, but as with any big casting call in porn, we had some great reads, some weird reads, and some really, really bad reads. There was also a lot of press, which just made everyone more nervous and helped not at all. I think the flack from Buzz Media was disappointed that it was just people reading from the script. When he first walked in, he asked, “what does a porn casting entail?”

I told him each person auditioning was going to come in and blow the director. At the end of the day, he’d decide who sucked the best cock for each role. Since we had guys as well as girls auditioning, this process might be a little uncomfortable for the uninitiated. He blinked at me and thought I was utterly serious until I cracked a smile.

We did have a few highlights, however. We had the girl/girl only girl read for the part that does a no-holes-barred interracial gangbang. We had the porn industry perennial who always sounds like a cross between John Wayne & Mr. Ed when he “acts.” We had the little Hispanic girl whose read was actually pretty good if the lead were a first-generation Columbian immigrant. And given that the industry has a very vanilla talent pool at the moment, it was awesome to watch the girl’s faces as Marci, Vivid’s head of production, asked each, “Do you do interracial?” “Anal?” “How about gangbangs?”

For me, being a producer has made auditions as an actor so much easier. Once you’ve been on the other side, you know how often decisions are made based on a million factors other than simply who was the best actor? So much comes into play that is completely and utterly out of the actor’s control that I never feel pressure in auditions anymore. I just go, read, and forget it ever happened.

In other news, I saw The Dark Knight Rises yesterday, and I loved it. I will not be posting my review until next week, to keep the spoilers off the page.

Lastly, I’ve gotten 8 e-mails and DMs asking about the outcome of the Huge, Epic Mistake I presaged for myself back in mid-May. I’m sworn to secrecy about the particulars, so here’s the very generic answer: It was exactly the huge mistake I feared. Basically, against my better judgement, I told someone the exact truth — brutal honesty — about a particular situation. I spilled my guts, let them deep into my head, told them exactly how I felt.

I will never do that again. Not only was the end result the opposite of the outcome I hoped for, telling the truth actually destroyed all possibility of that outcome ever happening at all.

For those who’ve been bugging me, that’s all ya get. I’m sorry there isn’t more detail. I guess you’ll have to wait for my book. In the meantime, remember these words of wisdom from Mark Twain as you go forward in life: “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open ones mouth and remove all doubt.”

I had several errands to run today, a grand circle tour of the Valley. I always try to plan these things out so I can backtrack as little as possible, and do it all in one day. My first stop was to drop a toy I had been selling for my friend Rob that he sold directly; the second was to loan some tools to K for an art project.

Both things should have been in the garage. Alas, I discovered that someone who had the combination to the padlock (meaning an employee of the management company, or someone the Gas Company meter reader gave the combo to) had come in and removed all my power tools, and all the collectible toys from the box they were in. I believe they knew I was gone (implying the property maintenance) because they took their time.

So now I owe Rob a shitload of money for his toys, and am out about $1,500 worth of tools it’s going to be a pain-in-the-ass to replace. Needless to say, I didn’t start the day happy. Looking on the bright side, though… it saved me two stops.

Professionally, things are moving, albeit slowly. I’m now talking to four different companies about directing. Something has to give. On the mainstream side, a lot is going on, all of it nebulous, most not worth talking about yet.

TQO seems to have blown me off completely, at least for now. I think she’s in love with her ex or something, from what I can glean off Twitter. Saturday night, I went to K&A’s art show in West Hollywood. It was good getting out to see people, something I need to do more often. I’m a lot like an animal. Left alone too long, I eventually cease being domesticated, and it takes a long time to get socialized again. I think I need to make the effort to travel down to ComicCon for a couple days, just for that purpose. I also had lunch with James Deen yesterday, mostly to get the scoop on The Canyons, the Paul Shrader-directed, Bret Easton Ellis-written film he’s starring in, but also to discuss one of those nebulous mainstream projects.

After the art show Saturday, I went to see Vega. Although it’s customary on a girl’s first blog appearance to explain her nom de voyage, in this case, it’s far too convoluted so I’m gonna skip it. I’ll tell you she’s 22, in the business, smarter than most people think, extremely sarcastic, and a filthy whore. When I fucked her in the ass with a knife to her throat, I think she was a little disappointed I didn’t actually cut her. Just a little.

Much to my surprise, she asked me to stay. I was even more surprised that I agreed. She woke me up with a blowjob that turned into buttsex with her squirting all over both of us, which I think is about the best start to a Sunday I’ve had in a long, long time. She asked me to come back last night, but I was in the middle of too many things, and declined. Vega did everything she could to talk me into coming, but I stood firm which led to her response that I have more willpower than sense.

We were supposed to get together tomorrow, but I’m going to Palm Springs with Hollywood to shoot some footage of a private investigator. Don’t ask.

Other than that, I have a date with a girl I’m going to call Ink (she looks like a Burning Angel girl) later in the week that I’m excited about, and I’m sure I’ll see Vega before then.

Meanwhile, about every third night, I wake from a dream in which a particular Girl I’m no longer seeing does or says something to convince me she finds me pathetic, annoying or foolish. This morning, I woke up at 4:30 afterI dreamed I was walking along a cliffside with said Girl when I slipped. I knew I had broken my ankle, and suddenly (dream logic) there was bottomless abyss underneath me. Instead of helping, Girl turned, expressed disappointment, then chuckled to herself as I lost my grip and fell.

Either I need a better mattress, or my subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Sometimes this job just requires a naked @TommyPistol in your lap. #PornIsHard

 

Life progresses. Today has been the first time in several days that the MCWBT tried to reassert control. Luckily, I’ve been alone, so I allowed myself to mope  slightly (nothing major), while getting on with work. I think by tomorrow, I’ll have washed it off. I spent the day organizing and pulling boxes out of the area that will become my dungeon.

It’s strictly chemical, and I know it; I have no cause to complain. I finally got together for some mildly perverted R&R with TQO, and it was awesome. I’m hoping we make it a regular occurrence, though she’s been mentioning some guy (not me) she’s getting sloppy over on Twitter, so it might not happen.

There’s the potential that I’ll be meeting an interesting, attractive, and far too young for me (this is a theme; TQO is 19) girl from Florida whom I’ve been talking to since last year. She’s coming to L.A. next week, and we’re going to have lunch, and probably a fantastic rutting session afterwards. I’m also hoping to see Blue, and Brave, this weekend.

It looks like I’ve got directing work coming up before the end of the year, so the hustling is paying off. I’ve got four companies I’m potentially worming my way into. Nothing I can talk about yet, but my Tragic 8-Ball says things are looking up. Tomorrow will be my last day working as the DP on Paul Thomas’ most recent feature for New Sensations. I’ve known PT forever, but this is the first time we’ve ever worked together in any capacity, and I have to say, I get it. The man is genuinely talented, and he really knows how to keep things fresh and get the most from his actors. My respect is genuine, and the work is refreshing.

This shoot is also remarkable in that one of the extras, a gorgeous, heavily-tattooed girl who mostly does BDSM scenes, gave me her number and while texting today decided we should really get together and play.

Suddenly, I’m much more invested in getting the dungeon put together…

A funny thing happened on the way to my blog… I realized I feel pretty goddamned good. Part of it is getting a job that I’ve been very late in finishing for some friends off my plate and my conscience. Part is that my efforts at diversifying, trying to get out from under the near-exclusive banner of the director I’ve been inhabiting for the past 18 months, are working. And part of it, I admit, is that I’ve started to feel like I have a few more years of hunting attractive, interesting prey in me after all.

Go fuck yourself, MCWBT.

The improving attitude is partly just willpower (hey, I gotta give myself occasional credit). I’ve lost almost 30 pounds from simply deciding to eat less and sticking to it. I figure I can apply that same force of will to my own shitty outlook. Plus, I’ve been able to settle a few outstanding emotional debts lately. Not all of them the way I would have hoped, but at least I got closure.

Surprisingly, I’m not letting it make me crazy. Between work, trying to unpack, and the occasional date, I’m keeping busy.

On the first score, I’m chasing directing gigs at various companies, shooting a lot for x3sixty, a new venture owned by Paul Fishbein, the man who hired me to run AVN, and working as a DP for various other directors. It looks like the horror movie I shot in November might premiere at the Toronto Film Festival, which would be amazing. I have a bite on directing another horror film. I’m doing prep on my mysterious steampunk short I’ve mentioned here a few times. I’m even getting paid to finish editing The Money Shot, a web series I directed over a decade ago.

So work is good. The new place is very slowly coming together (having work precludes having time to unpack). At least most of the toys, and the TV & surround sound are set up (because, y’know, I’m 12).

As for the dates, it’s been interesting. I got a call I never expected from a girl I hadn’t seen in years who was in town and wanted to get together. I’ve been seeing Blue about once a week, which is great (though we still have that top/top issue). I’m speaking to Red again, just casually, and since I have no interest, I’m sure she’ll be chasing. Next week I have a date that could be a complete waste of time, and I’ve been flirting and sending filthy stories to an interesting girl I’m gonna call The Quiet One (y’know, the ones you have to watch out for). That could turn out to be a fascinating distraction.

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