il Douché

I violated a trust with my last post. Alice is extremely private, and even though that isn’t her name, there are more facts and particulars than I should have included. I can make all kinds of excuses; I was hurt, I was angry, I was confused.

I was a dick.

That seems about right. At any rate, here’s where things stand; we talked. It was really good. I don’t know where things will go from here, but you will likely not hear much about it, except in the vaguest of terms, because I’m not going to violate that trust again. It’s hard to earn, and I’m tired of being a fuck-up.

In other news, Hollywood got me a gig working as Best Boy Electric on a small film in Alabama for three weeks, and I’m flying out Sunday. It’s a crappy day rate, but a lot of them. Politically, it’s a dangerous move for me here. I’m asking Vivid & ABP to move two days of a shoot so I can finish the job I’ve started as DP. I think they will, but il Douché doesn’t take kindly to people asking for things being adjusted to accommodate them. I also had to cancel three days for Paul Fishbein, but he is much more understanding as x3sixty is still in its startup phase.

Either way, I have to take this job. It’s a decent amount of money, and I’m in a decent size hole.

I’m going to try to update more frequently, starting with that work & career blog I promised four months ago. Until then… Alabama… ugh…

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If I commit suicide, it will not be to destroy myself but to put myself back together again. Suicide will be for me only one means of violently reconquering myself, of brutally invading my being, of anticipating the unpredictable approaches of God. By suicide, I reintroduce my design in nature, I shall for the first time give things the shape of my will. — Antonin Artaud, On Suicide